Queen Of All You See

My Injuries, How it Got Worse After a Mistake Done at the Hospital

I mentioned briefly on IG that I have injuries I’m getting treated at the hospital. My condition has gotten worse from a mistake done during my treatments soon after that. I knew I wanted to share this story here as an update, but I decided to wait a bit longer before I do to make sure it isn’t written out of anger. I’d be lying if I said I never got angry at the situation at some point. To be honest, I find myself mostly frustrated & in despair. Journaling is simply a way for me to cope. I hope sharing it here can help a few people who can relate with me.

I live with medical illnesses that make me vulnerable to physical stress, pains, & injuries. I started feeling pain on my left ankle, both arms, & lower spine last September. Each caused by a combination of  stress, lack of strength, & different small accidents. I could move around & walk but there were times when I felt moderate tolerable pain whenever I was tired or moved to certain positions.  I went to my doctor & scheduled my (PT) Physical Therapy at the hospital to speed up my healing back in October. I wanted to make sure I was recovered by early December for my first trip abroad. This trip is very important to me. It’s my first vacation with my dad & brother, I get to visit my relatives I haven’t seen in ages, & watch my dad finish the annual Honolulu Hawaii Marathon. I can’t tell you enough how much I wanted to be ready for this trip.

My treatment was a week late cos’ the hospital’s schedule was full, so I had time to heal and feel better while I waited. However, I started to encounter a few problems with my treatments and the worst happened during my 4th session. When the therapist did Myofascial Release on my injured ankle along with my back and arms, she massaged it heavily. I alerted her several times when it was painful. She then would lower the level of pressure applied but it was still heavier compared to my first 3 sessions with other therapists. I trusted the procedure & didn’t think there was any mistake being done at that time.

My arm wasn’t harmed but my left ankle & lower back were in so much pain that night. They were swelling. I felt tingling sensations on both feet. My ankle was bruised. It was almost unbearable to rest my foot on the floor that I couldn’t stand up and walk to the bathroom alone. I met my doctor days after. He said the PT shouldn’t have done the massage on my ankle in the first place (just my arms and back) & my lower back should’ve been massaged lightly. It’s been more than a week since then. I still can’t walk properly, I have to use a wheelchair every time I’m at the hospital, & I’m mostly in bed when I’m at home.

Just in case you got confused! The photos on this post were taken before I was injured. I just realised after uploading this article that the photos contradict the content / emotion of this post! These are the first photos I found under my unused-photosfolder & I can’t really take OOTDs in my current state. But whenever I I feel better & have energy to spare, I can do a little blogging with help from Bae & Siri. It’s how I distract myself & keep my spirits up.

Dessert Museum 02b Sm

Location: Dessert Museum • Shoes: Adidas Superstar • Jumpsuit: Fashion Nova • Necklace: Tiffany & Co. Rustans

DEALING WITH DESPAIR

To anyone battling sickness or any form of pain caused by things out of your control, you’re not alone. I’m sorry this burden is too heavy to bear right now. Just know that things can & will get better. But for now keep doing your best. Your best is always enough.

We reported it to the PT department right away. While there were a few people (we’re grateful for!) that were quick to lend some help, I still couldn’t shake my despair & wish that some of them would take more responsibility for it. The cost of the mistake on me is extensive. Remember, I could walk before I started my treatment, now I’m in a lot of pain (especially at night) & I can barely walk at all. There’s also the heartbreaking risk that I can’t go to my trip to Hawaii or if I can I won’t be able to walk around that much during my vacation. We already booked a business class ticket for me last August (to make sure my spine is relaxed while I’m in the plane). It’s already paid for & has a hefty penalty in the case I suddenly can’t go.

My medical bills increased since I have to extend my treatment, buy extra meds, & see my doctor more often. More of my work is getting delayed. I had to decline or delay even more holiday blog campaigns, events, projects from brands I love. I missed a once every… 4 years family reunion. My birthday celebration plans might be canceled & the list goes on. Depression has been hard for the past few months. I’ve been crying almost every night from feeling constant physical pain (I’m at a point where I can no longer take additional meds ‘cos  I’ve taken them for too long). Going to the gym & exercising is usually my way of dealing with depression, which I haven’t done in a long time ‘cos of my injuries. I’m often restless ‘cos my lower back & hips are becoming weaker & more painful from being confined in bed for a long time. For now, all I can do is keep going to my PT’s as often as possible, take extra precautions, follow my doctors instructions, & pray to God.

I wish i could tell you I’m full of hope but sadly I’m not there yet. At least for now, the best thing I can do is catch myself every time I feel helpless from things that are out of my control and take a moment to focus on the things in my life that are good. Those are the people who are with me as I recover. Bae literally carries me when I’m too weak to stand on my own. He’s my hero. My dad, mom, & brother are sympathetic, they always check up on me. My friends, especially those of you who sent me well wishes are backing me up with encouragements & prayers. I hope everything works out for me in the end. I’ll share another update soon!

PS. Thank you to those who sent me well wishes. I’m sorry I can’t reply & check your messages right away, please know that every message of concern & prayer I receive from you is a stepping stone for me to feel positive and get better. I wish I can tell you personally how much of a blessing you are.