Some of you may know me as the girl with the obnoxious blog name who likes makeup and other pretty things. What most of you don’t know is that I went through a traumatic experience and i had a really difficult time coping with it. I wont go into its details, but because of that (plus some medical issues in my body), there came a time where i was clinically depressed and severely anxious.
It went on for a very long time and it got to a point where i developed fear of social situations. I was terrified at the big bad “what if?” that could come with it. I didn’t want to be in photos, on social media, or out in the mall because people who know me might see how much of an “abnormal” and ugly person i thought i was, and strangers might pull a Sherlock deduction move on me, dissect every one of my flaws, and then say hurtful things.
So for years I spent most of my life hiding in my bedroom (literally and with no exaggeration) where I felt safe. My main social interactions went from having many friends, down to talking to a handful of people i trust, my doctors, my therapist, and my little Yorkie Bentley. One of the few outlets that I had left was watching YouTube videos and reading blogs. This is when things started to change. I wanted to be like these beautiful and confident women who aren’t afraid to speak up publicly and be judged. So I created a blog and battled with my social anxiety one blog post at a time.
If you ever struggle with depression, anxiety, or anything related to what I went through, i wrote this story for you. To send a message that you are not alone (I know how these things can easily make one feel lonely and misunderstood) and to share how I gradually stepped out of my box of anxiety and negativity. Hopefully this could encourage you to move forward with me.
ONE STEP AT A TIME
I broke down my goals into tiny little steps cos it seemed too big for me at the time. Mundane things like posting a selfie felt like someone just asked me to climb Mount Everest. So instead, I went ahead and posted photos of things i love (lipsticks, and blushes). When I noticed that nothing really bad happened after that, or if something did that I could take it on anyway, I gradually progressed and shared photos of my hands (#notd), my face, half of my body, and so on. I also started making SnapChat videos cos my next goal someday is to make YouTube videos.
I was also scared to speak up and had zero social skills. So i started writing my opinion on little things like makeup on the blog. It felt like i was talking to nobody but its what i needed at first since I was too conscious of other people’s judgements. I eventually found the courage to have mini comment interactions with my fellow bloggers on BlogSpot, and became very good friends with some of them. I felt like i had a circle of friends online who i felt safe with, so i created more social media (Instagram and Twitter) accounts to join them and started meeting more people.
Then later on more opportunities came for my blog, and i got invited to attend events and do collaborations. This was especially hard for me cos i was still afraid to talk to anybody in person (especially to strangers), much more step into a room with an intimidating crowd. I had to turn down a few of the invites and felt depressed once again. I eventually pushed myself to just go even though people might think i’m too awkward. I remember having to take lots of bathroom breaks to calm myself down when I attended my first events, and when I had a photoshoot with Maybelline for a campaign. I know it may sound petty to some but coming from a severely depressed girl who isolated herself from the world for years, to me this is a such an accomplishment.
My depression and anxieties still come back and discourage me every once in awhile. When this happens I try to look back and remind myself of my growth since i took those little steps. It encourages me to keep moving forward. I hope this will encourage you to do the same :)
To my beloved pet and bestfriend Bentley.
The little dog who changed my life.
MAKE CONFIDENCE HAPPEN
I originally wrote this blog post cos I understand how insecurities and anxieties can take a hold of someones life, and I was hoping my story could help at least one person going through the same thing.
A few days after I published it, I was told about Maybelline and Liza Soberano’s new campaign as a part of the relaunch of Maybelline’s Clear Smooth All-in-One to empower women to conquer their insecurities and #MakeConfidenceHappen. I’m proud and very happy to join a campaign very close to my heart with this story.
You guys, your inner beauty can and will take you to places, let it shine through. Conquer your insecurities one step at a time, and be the best, most confident person you can be. Make your life a story worth telling.
My blog is in a way a story of how i overcome the negative things in my life and how people like you helped with it. To celebrate that and to in a way say thanks, here’s a giveaway open to everyone (international). It’ll run until October 30, 2016. I’ll contact and announce the winner after that. Thanks and good luck! :)